Let Us Hasten To Love

 Welcome back to another post!

This week we are going to discuss the many aspects of love and the dating process. 

Roberto Benigni, an Italian actor, comedian, screenwriter, and director once said, “We must hurry up. Let us hasten to love. We always love too little and too late. Let us hasten to love. Because at the sunset of life we ​​will be judged on love. Because there is no wasted love.”

Love is crucial to our well-being. All of us have a need for the love is found in romantic relationships. According to research on the brain, humans are hard-wired for love so that their well-being depends as much on love as it does on food, water, and air to breathe. But, what does it mean to love? What’s love?

If we think, we use the same word to express our feelings for food, activities, possession, and people. The term love is illustrated by four ancient Greek words: storge is the kind of love found in the affection between parents and their children, philia is the kind of love that exists between friends, eros is the love between men and women, and agape is a love that is independent of one’s feelings for another. Love can mean different things to different people. Hendrick pointed out that love is complex, varied, and means different things to different people. To understand the place of love in any individual’s life, we must know what love means to that person. For one person, love may be primarily a cognitive obsession with someone, while love means an intense emotional yearning to be with someone. Ira Reiss characterized the development of love in terms of four separate but interrelated processes: rapport, self-revelation, mutual dependency, and intimacy.

When two people first meet, they feel comfortable and attracted to each other. They may quickly develop a rapport, a harmonious and comfortable relationship. Once rapport is established, they feel relaxed with each other, and they are likely to engage in self-revelation. Falling in love is more than attraction and sexual desire. It is the attraction to and desire for a person with certain qualities, attitudes, and mannerisms. It also leads to mutual dependency. You become mutually dependent because you do things that require the other person to be present. Finally, mutual dependency leads to the fulfillment of our intimacy needs. We all need someone to love, someone with whom we can confide, someone with whom we can share experiences. Reiss pointed out that the four processes are interdependent. If something happens to any one of them, it will affect the development of a love relationship. However, the pattern of developing a love relationship has changed over time.

A researcher studied TV dating games and interviewed 204 people to see what makes a person attractive as a dating partner. Men and women differed in the extent to which they used the various criteria. However, the three most commonly used were intelligence/education, personal traits, and physical appearance. 

Another study, using a sample of 178 students, reported that 23 percent of the women and 7 percent of the man had one or more experiences of unwanted sexual intercourse. Most of those who had unwanted intercourse did so while hooking up. Why do some students prefer hanging out and hooking up while others do not? One motivation for hanging out and hooking up is the unwillingness to expend the time and energy for a romantic relationship. Hanging out doesn’t require a commitment. On the other hand, dating requires a mutual exchange of values and attention that will lead to a lasting relationship.

Falling in love is a complex process, but it’s what keeps us emotionally alive. As Roberto Benigni said, we need love. Love is never enough. Whether we love a spouse, a friend, or a sister, love is what makes us happy. Let’s keep spreading love.  

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