5 Secrets of Effective Communication

Hello there!

Welcome back. It’s time for another post. This week will be talking about communication, and how it affects family relationships. 

During class, my teacher shared a powerful strategy to ensure healthy communication within the family system, but I believe it could be applied to all forms of communication. The author stated that there are five secrets to effective communication. He proposed the word EAR, where E stands for empathy. Three different ways to show empathy are 1. The disarming technique (DT). We should focus on finding some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems unreasonable or unfair. 2. Empathy. We should learn to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and try to see the world through his or her eyes. However, there are two different types of empathy. Thought Empathy (TE), meaning that we will share empathy by paraphrasing the other person’s words. Feeling Empathy (FE). It takes into account how the other person is probably feeling, based on what she or he said. 3. Inquiry (IN). We should learn and practice asking gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.

The A in the word EAR stands for assertiveness. The author pointed out we should use “I feel” Statements (IF). How can we do that? By expressing our ideas and feelings in a direct, tactful manner. We can use statements, such as “I feel upset,” rather than “you” statements, such as “You’re wrong!” or “You’re making me furious!”

Finally, the R stands for respect. He proposed the stroking (ST) strategy. He explained it as a way to convey an attitude of respect, even if you feel frustrated or angry with the other person. We should strive to find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of a battle.

I had pondered about these strategies, and while I was attending my class, I remembered an experience I had that maybe will help you see how these five secrets change the tone of a conversation. I was about 14, and I got into a heavy argument with my mom. I was yelling at her pretty harsh things and unkind words.  I tried to prove to her I was right, and  I started to explain the many reasons why I should be feeling the way I was feeling. I did not hear a word from my mom. She sweetly grabbed my face, looked in the eyes, and gently said, “I love you.”

While I was listening in class to what my teacher was saying, the word tone came up. Many times, the way we say words change even the meaning of the word itself. I was talking with one of my coworkers about it. She’s from Costa Rica, and I asked her to teach me how to say “What’s up?” in Spanish. The word they use is “Que Pasa,” but depending on the tone you use, it can assume a different meaning. For example, if you say it with a low and sad voice, it means “What’s wrong!,” but if you say it with a positive attitude, it means “What’s up!”

This new way of looking at our tone made me realize how our words can change relationships and even families’ dynamics. When my mom gently said “I love you” during my outburst, her tone of voice and her pure intentions calmed my anger and softened my heart. I believe that if we can learn how to apply the five secrets proposed previously, we can build families that “raise words and not voice."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Gender Differences!

 Hello Welcome back. This week's topic is gender and family life! I love this topic because I believe that each one of us, male or female, has qualities and gifts that make the world a better place. The intend of this post is not to brag women over men or vice versa. In my opinion, both genders are equal, meaning that their differences can complete one another and should allow them to have the same experiences.  However, girls and boys are biologically different. Dr. Brenda Todd, a senior lecturer in psychology at City University, said, “Biological differences give boys an aptitude for mental rotation and more interest and ability in spatial processing, while girls are more interested in looking at faces and better at fine motor skills and manipulating objects. When we studied toy preference in a familiar nursery setting with parents absent, we saw the differences consistent with these aptitudes.  Although there was variability between individual children, we found that, ...
Read more

Parenting!

 Hello everybody! Welcome back to another weekly post. We will be discussing parenting. This is a very dear topic because I believe that parents change children, thus changing communities and future generations. Do you all see how impactful parents are? So, the first thing that we may think of when we talk about parenting is, “What makes them good parents? What’s the best way to grow our children?” I will try to share some insights that I learned from my classes this past week. Dr. Leonard sax gives us seven tips on having a respectful parent-children relationship 1-Show your children how to be conscientious The most powerful predictors of health and happiness and wellness at 32 or 38 years of age are measures of conscientiousness in childhood and adolescence. 2- Teach your child to be humble The culture of bloated self-esteem leads to envy and resentment. 3- Be firm with your children Authoritative parents have better outcomes, and it’s a larger effect than t...
Read more

Divorce

Welcome back, everybody! This will be the last weekly blog post. We have come pretty far. Throughout these weeks, we have learned a lot about families and their role in communities. Today we will talk about divorce, and we will try to bust some myths. The first one is that most divorces result from “irreconcilable differences.” Neal Jacobsen and colleagues demonstrated that those marriages that were well on their way to dissolution had an average of 10 areas of significant incompatibility. This stood out in sharp contrast to those who report having high levels of marital satisfaction; they reported—on average—ten areas of significant incompatibility. The second is that 50% of all American marriages end in divorce. The number is actually much smaller. The authors of an entire book dedicated to the topic of collecting and analyzing American divorce stats claim it is less than 25% for couples married in the last decade. Another common is that if a spouse will ever have an affair, him/she ...
Read more