Love Is In The Air!

Hi there!

Y'all know it’s time for another post. Last week we talked about the dating phase, and we tried to define what love is. This week, however, we will be discussing what happens when a couple gets married and what adjustment they need to make at the beginning of their new life.

First of all, let’s discuss why people want to be married. People marry for reasons other than love. In fact, some social scientists believe that the full meaning of love only emerges during the course of a marriage, not prior to marriage. In ancient Greece and Rome, marriage was tied up more with politics and money than with love. Gradually, marriage came to be considered a matter of love rather than money or politics. Men sought intimacy in their wives rather than in courtesans. On the other hand, women increasingly looked to their husbands for intimacy and not merely for economic security. 

All societies have the institution of marriage. People have well-defined rules about people getting married. To say that marriage is a social institution is to point out that some norms and expectations govern it. Thus, marriage as an institution is important to the well-being of the total group. Individuals who scorn such an institution are a threat to the groups and to their survival. Believe it or not, we are raised with the expectation that we will marry.

Another reason why people get married is for personal fulfillment. Some people carry this to an extreme and expect marriage to fulfill all their basic needs. They look to a mate for emotional support, romantic and sexual fulfillment. In addition, most people who get married say that one of the reasons is to have children. They are in a stage of their lives in which they desire to form their own families. Other people view marriage as a practical solution to various problems and challenges. Some want to get away from an undesirable home situation. Some believe a spouse will help them realize their ambitions. Marriage, to them, is a practical and acceptable way to deal with these problems. Whatever reasons there is behind a marriage, to get married is to enter a new social world.

Jessie Bernard argues that every marriage is really two marriages: his and hers. That is, men and women have substantially different experiences in marriage or different interests. Bernard also argued that men derive more from marriage than do women. A married couple reported that men are somewhat more satisfied with their marriages than are women and seem to get greater mental health benefits from marriage than do women. It is also true that women have to make more adjustments in marriage than do men. Why is it like that? Consider some of the typical things that happen in marriage. A man is less likely than a woman to change his vocation or to drop out of the labor force. He is unlikely to move his residence to accommodate. His wife’s career, while she may move frequently to accommodate him. 

Adjustment in some marriages is more difficult because they begin at a disadvantage. For example, teenage couples truly begin their married life with two strikes; low income and perhaps educational and career hopes at a time in life when they lack the maturity to cope effectively with such things. If the family is not homogamous, which refers to marriage between two people who are similar in social and demographic characteristics, such as age, race, ethnicity, and religion, there will be many adjustments to make. The quality of the family life in which the partners grew up also affects their adjustment to marriage. The point is that, even under the best of circumstances, learning to live intimately with another person requires adjustments.

After all that has been said, during the first year of marriage, feelings, and patterns of behavior change. In stable and satisfying marriages, there is a commitment to the spouse as an individual. It means promise, dedication, and attachment. Even though life is not always the way we want, getting through it with someone else makes everything more joyful.

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